Ellen C. Caldwell | ECLAIRE.me

An essay (of which I am particularly fond and proud) about the joys of cooking for Desert Jewels…

Ellen C. Caldwell explores what it means to care for yourself, nourish yourself, love yourself, and cook for yourself in the very same way you might offer love to others.

It wasn’t that I had to fight to bury or remember Rocky, but I understood more and more the desire and guttural need to do so—why someone like Antigone might go to such extremes to claim her brother’s body to say goodbye to him properly and on her own terms. I don’t know what happens to a soul, to our souls, or to our pets’ souls when they leave us, but there is an innate part of us that needs to both remember and to open a space to process that loss continually and continuously.

My very favorite procrastination tool is something random, self-serving, silly, and slightly secret: selfies. Yep, selfies. Specifically, PhotoBooth selfies on my desktop. For the past four years, I have been taking selfies when I am at the writer’s ledge. Sometimes I send them to friends I’m chatting with, sometimes they are just for me, but somehow they always help. There is something I love about capturing my mood at these strange tumultuous times. Sometimes I am playful, other times I am distraught, and other times, I am quite simply looking rough.

But the thing is that whenever we come back home, we are a changed person, right? Every day when we leave our house and return from work, we are different in some way. Biologically even depending on what we ate, how or if we exercised, and mentally and psychically of course, depending on the day and the moments we have conquered, cherished, or endured. But when you are leaving your country, comfort zone, and routines for a month, you know the change will feel and actually be bigger – and more dramatic. So for me, the last two days turned into an exercise of looking, noticing, and feeling. The following are three observations I made on the road to Batuan…

Now, when I am thankful for someone or anyone in my life, there is no hesitation. Passionately, immediately, humorously, and unabashedly, I tell people – And this is how I learned to write love letters.